How Snape Stole Christmas
by Gemm
Summary: A Humorous little ditty based off of Severus Snape and How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Enjoy!


**How Snape Stole Christmas**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any Harry Potter Characters.

I also don't own the story HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS, Dr. Seuss does.

**Update GN:** Well, it's been a while. I've been looking at my previous stories and making quick edits to them, and this was next on my list. My friend did indeed dare me to adapt "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" for my most familiar realm of fan fiction, and I chose Harry Potter while she did a Dragonball Z adaptation. Needless to say, it was done in jest and I hope you find some humor in it.

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How Indeed Snape Stole Christmas**

_Every Wizard_ _down in London_ _liked Christmas a lot . . . . ._

_But Snape,_ _who live just North of London,_ _did _NOT!

_Snape hated Christmas!_ _The _WHOLE CHRISTMAS SEASON!

_Now, please, don't ask why, for no one quite knows the reason._

_It could be that his hair was too greasy to be right._

_It could be that his necktie was too darn tight._

_However, I think that the most likely reason of all_

_May have been that his heart was ten sizes too small._

_But_ _whatever the reason, his heart or his hair,_

_He stood there on Christmas Eve hating them there,_

_Staring down from his home with a sleek, Snapey frown,_

_At the warm lighted windows below in their town._

_For he knew that every Wizard down in London beneath_

_Was quite busy now, hanging five mistletoe wreaths._

_"And their hanging their stockings!" Snape snarled with a sneer._

_"Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"_

_Then he growled, with his pale fingers nervously drumming,_

_"I _MUST_ find a way to keep Christmas from coming!"_

_For tomorrow, he knew . . . . ._ _all the Wizard girls and boys_

_Would wake up bright and early, they'd rush for their toys!_

_And then, oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!_

_That's the one thing he hated! _The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!

_And then the Wizards, young and old, would sit down to a gigantic feast._

_And they'd feast! And they'd feast!_

_And they'd _FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!

_They'd start on Plum pudding, and green beans that were greased,_

_This was something that Snape couldn't stand in the least!_

_And _THEN _they'd do something Snape liked least of all!_

_Every Wizard down in London, the old, young, tall and the small,_

_They would stand close together, with the Christmas Bells ringing._

_They all would stand hand-in-hand, and the Wizards would start _SINGING!

_They'd sing! And they'd sing!_

_And__ they'd _SING! SING! SING! SING!

_And the more Snape thought of this Wizard-Christmas-Sing_

_The more the Snape thought, "I _MUST_ stop this whole thing!_

_"Why for Eight years I've put up with it now!_

_"I must stop Christmas from coming! . . . . . But _HOW?"

_Then Snape got an idea!_

_An _AWFUL _idea!_ SNAPE GOT A SLIMY, WONDERFUL, AWFUL _idea!_

_"I know just what to do," Snape sneered deep in his throat._

_And he made a quick Santa Claus hat and coat._

_Snape cackled and smirked, "What a great _EVIL trick!

"With this red coat and hat, I'll look exactly like St. Nick!"

_"All I need now is a reindeer . . . ."_

_Snape looked around._

_But in Northern England, there were none to be found._

_Did that stop Snape?_ _No way! Snape simply said, _

_"If I can't_ find_ a reindeer, I'll _make_ one instead!"_

_So he called his friend Voldie, and he took some red thread_

_Then tied a big horn to the top of the Evil Lord's head._

THEN

_Snape loaded some bags_

_And lots of old, empty sacks_

_On a ramshackle car that resembled a sleigh_

_And he hitched up Lord Voldie._

_Then Snape went, "Giddyap!"_

_And the car/sleigh went down_

_Towards the homes where the Wizards_

_Lay sound asleep amidst the blizzard._

_All their windows were dark and violent snow filled the air,_

_Wizards were all dreaming their sweet dreams without a care,_

_When Snape came to the first house in the square._

_"This is house number one," Snapey Claus hissed,_

_Then he climbed to the roof, empty bags and wand in his fist._

_Then, he slid down the chimney, which was quite a tight shape_

_But if Santa could do it, then so could Snape!_

_Snape got stuck only once, and for a moment or two_

_Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue._

_Where the bright wizard stockings all hung in a row,_

_"These stockings," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"_

_Then he slithered and slunk like a snake most unpleasant,_

_He went around the whole room and took every present!_

_Bertie Botts Beans! Fake Wands! Books! Toy Brooms!_

_Chess Sets! Chocolate Frogs! And Pranks that go 'ZOOM'!_

_And Snape stuck them in bags and rather nimbly,_

_Stuffed all of the bags, one by one, up the chimney!_

_Then he slithered to the Fridge. He took the Wizard Feast!_

_He took the Plum Pudding! He took the Green Beans!_

_Snape cleaned out that Fridge as quick as he appeared_

_Why, he even took the last bottle of Butterbeer!_

_Then he stuck all the food up the chimney with glee._

_"And _NOW_!" grinned a mad Snape, "I will stuff up the tree!"_

_So Snape grabbed the tree, and started to shove,_

_When he heard a small sound, like the coo of a dove._

_He turned around fast, and saw a small girl!_

_Little Marie Lily Potter, who's eyes were two pearls._

_Snape had been caught by this little Potter daughter_

_Who'd got out of bed for a small cup of water._

_She stared at Snape long and hard, then said, "Santy Claus, why?"_

_"Why are you holding our Christmas tree? Why?"_

_But, do you know that Old Snape was so smart and slick_

_That he thought up a lie, and thought it up right quick!_

_"Why my dear sweet Marie," Snape, smiling, lied,_

_"Did you know there's a light on this tree that just won't light on one side?_

_"So I'm taking it up to my workshop, my dear._

_"I'll fix it up there, and then I'll bring it back here."_

_Snape's fib tricked little Marie, then he tapped on her head_

_Got her a drink, then sent her to bed._

_When Marie was tucked safely in bed with her cup,_

_He went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up!_

_Then the last thing Snape took_

_Was their pot of floo powder._

_Then he went up the chimney, a little more prouder._

_On their walls all he left was some bits of old binder._

_Oh, the one speck of food that was left in the house,_

_Was a crumb, which was even too small for a mouse._

_Then he he did the same to other Wizard houses_

_Leaving crumbs much too small for the other houses mouses!_

_It was a little past dawn . . . . ._ _all the Wizards, still asleep_

_All the Wizards, still in their beds,_ _when Snape packed up his heap,_

_Packed up their presents! Ribbons! Wrappings!_

_Tags! Tinsel! Trimmings and Trappings!_

_One Hundred Thousand Feet up! Up to Snape's house above London!_

_He rode up there to dump, then burn it!_

_"Tisk, tisk to those Wizards!" Snape was evilly humming._

_"They're finding out that _NO CHRISTMAS_ is coming!_

_"The dummies are just waking up! I know just what they will do!_

_"Children's mouths will hang open for a moment or two_

_"Then all the Wizards down in London will cry BOO-HOO!"_

"That_ is a noise," smirked Snape_, _"that I simply _must_ hear,"_

_Then he stood and put a hand to his ear,_

_And Snape did hear a sound coming from below,_

_It started out low, then started to grow. . . . . ._

_But this sound wasn't depressing!_

_Why, it sounded rather _MERRY!

_It just couldn't be so!_

_But it _WAS MERRY! VERY!

_Snape stared down at London,_

_His eyes began to pop!_

_Then Snape started shaking!_ _What he saw would have caused you to stop!_

_Every Wizard down in London, the young, old, the tall and small,_

_Was _SINGING!_ Without any presents at all!_

_Snape _HADN'T STOPPED_ Christmas from coming!_

IT CAME!

_In some way, shape, or form, it came just the same!_

_And Snape, with his big feet ice-cold in snow,_

_Stood scratching his greasy head: "How could it be so?_

_"It came without trappings! It came without tags!_

_"It came without boxes, packages or bags!"_

_He puzzled so long, that his puzzler was sore._

_Then Voldie chimed in with something Snape hadn't thought of before._

_"Christmas, my evil friend, doesn't come from a store!"_

_"You mean, that Christmas, means a little bit more?"_

_"Well, yeah. Duh."_

_Do you know what happened then?_

_Well, between you-me, in London they say_

_That Snape's puny-sized heart_

_Grew _TWENTY SIZES_ that day!_

_Also, that the second his heart didn't feel quite so tight,_

_He ditched Old Voldie and whizzed his heap through the bright morning light!_

_Snape brought back all the toys! And the food for the Feast!_

_And Snape . . . . ._

SNAPE HIMSELF!

HE_ served the Greasy Green Beans!_

_THE END!_

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GN: Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, Sugar is Sweet and So are Reviews!**


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